The Duality of Relationships: The True Connection Hidden in Complexities

By - Pooja Sinha | Director, ZTS/ Behavioral Counselor

We often believe that relationships are either good or bad, but the truth is that relationships are never that straightforward. They are complex, layered. The same relationship can give us deep comfort and, at the same time, unbearable restlessness. We may feel an intense bond with someone and yet find ourselves feeling the loneliest in their presence. This is the true duality of relationships, two contradictory truths that coexist simultaneously.

The roots of this duality lie hidden within our personality. Our personality is not formed in a straight line; rather, it is made up of many different elements. It can be said that our identity is formed by five “E’s”: Education, Environment, Experimentation, Experience, and Emotions. Education is what we receive from society and books, which is somewhat common to all of us. But then comes our environment, and this is where differences begin. Even twins raised in the same home can have different environments, one may receive more attention, the other less; one may venture out more, the other remain indoors.

Then come the experiments of life, where we test ourselves, take risks, and explore new paths. From these experiments arise our experiences, and from these experiences are born the emotions that settle permanently within us and shape our temperament. When a person is made up of so many complexities, how can their relationships be one-dimensional or simple?

Sometimes, a person’s childhood is very harsh and they have never seen unconditional love, so every relationship feels like a transaction to them. Someone who has been betrayed repeatedly may never fully open up to anyone, no matter how genuine the other person is. This is the place where duality in relationships is born on one hand, a person wants someone to fully accept them, and on the other, when someone comes close, they create distance themselves.

We all come into this world with some innate qualities, certain temperaments, tendencies, and perspectives we are born with. But the deepest impact comes from our experiences. These experiences gradually shape our thinking and belief systems, and these beliefs unknowingly accompany us into our relationships.

For example, a girl who has always been taught to "be strong, don’t depend on anyone," might perceive the care of a nurturing partner as control. And a boy who was never understood, when he first opens his emotional side to someone and is rejected, might shut himself down forever.

When two people meet, it is not just their present that comes together, but all the versions of their past collide as well. Every relationship is a conversation between two histories. And this is the real duality of relationships, a person who wants companionship but also solitude; who desires love but fears loss.

Relationships break, connect, and change. But when we begin to understand that the complexity of relationships is not anyone’s fault, but rooted in their background and experiences, compassion is born. And compassion is the very power that gives us the ability to endure this duality of relationships.